Hypnosis, Diabetes, and the journey from Guilt to Grace

Emergency Dispatch: “911, What’s your emergency?”
Ben: “My wife has just had a Diabetic seizure caused by low glucose levels. We were unable to administer Glucagon or the Basqimi nasal spray. She’s been seizing for more than 5 minutes now.”It has been almost a month since I found myself in the Emergency hospital wing, this time in Tobermory, the night before we were to head back home. I had woken up with a low blood glucose reading, taken a few of the glucose tablets sitting on the night stand beside my bed, eaten, and was about to eat more, when my hubby, who had also aroused by this time, saw me starting to seize while standing up.

Unfortunately, having Diabetic seizures, caused by low blood sugar levels, is not new to me. I had my first seizure just shortly after I was diagnosed with Type 1 Diabetes, at 7 years of age. The worst it ever got was when I was in College. I had about 5 seizures a year for about 3 years. And it wasn’t because I wasn’t trying to manage my Diabetes at that time. I had had my “rebellious” stage when I was in my teens, winding up in the hospital because of NOT taking my insulin, and experiencing the opposite side effects of what low glucose levels bring. 

No, as I matured as an adult, became married and was planning to have children, I made the decision out of necessity, that I HAD to become militant about my habits in order to keep my unborn babies safe. And so the mindset and physical pattern began. Through some scary experiences (I had Diabetic seizures while pregnant with our first), and experiencing parenthood, the emotions that go with parenting, and keeping my Diabetes in check (low and high glucose levels while parenting can be a trick and a half), I didn’t realize what was happening in the midst of it all as the years were passing. 

My subconscious mind had started giving me messages about how much I was failing in my Diabetes management. I was out of control even though I was militant in my efforts toward trying to take control of my Diabetes. I felt like I could never attain perfection. I felt like the green target of reaching the perfect A1C level I saw for years in the Endocrinologist’s office, would never be mine to attain. And so, with every low sugar reading, every high sugar reading, (with the introduction of the insulin pump, I remained seizure free for 10 years after birthing our boys), I continued to strive for the perfect reading, and continued to beat myself up when I didn’t maintain it. It has been in my personal journey and experience with using hypnosis and the NLP techniques I teach my clients in clinic, that I recognized that I had only good intentions in my thoughts and behaviors. I was wanting to keep myself safe, and my children safe. I wanted my children to see their mother as capable and as strong as they needed me to be in order to keep up with them, nurture them and provide for them, for as long as I possibly could, for years to come.

As soon as I realized this about myself, it was in those moments that I found grace and kindness toward and for myself; for my efforts, for my striving. Taking care of my Diabetes was of course, uber important to do! I had even begun to take a supplement that brought some positive change to my readings, but my mindset toward how I was stepping into those actions and habits was actually creating my nervous system to be that much more stressed and uptight. No wonder my glucose levels looked like the stock market charts! When I had this last seizure back in July, I had real proof of the progress I had made. When I came out of the hospital, I wasn’t beating myself up or rehashing all the “coulda, woulda, shoulda” things that ultimately didn’t matter because I know that every day, I am giving my best.

I recognize as a blessing of having Diabetes, my boys, now 13 and soon to be 16 years old, are learning what it looks like to have a mom that DOES take care of herself. And also, a mom with the mindset and ability to take the literal highs and lows of having Diabetes, and navigate through life with confidence, grace, and kindness toward herself.
#diabetesandhypnosis
#guilttograce 
#graceandkindness
#confidence